*~*~*Belle*~*~*

Merry Christmas Eve!!!

so i am pretty effin bored!! all i have done today is CLEAN MY ROOM cause i was soo gosh dang bored and whatch fast and the ferious, and umm the ultimate christmas! UGH! tomarrrow at 9 i am getting up and chillen around the christmas tree. i am really excited I got my parents and sister some really neat stuff!! I <3 christmas time!

My friend Nicole from germany is leaving now... i don't know why! but she was awesome, i am gonna miss her sooo much! she was like a best friend to me! and i hate that once u get a good friend they leave!

I miss tom. i was crying alot last night cause i was talking to him. and i love him. i'm addicted to him! too late, and too bad. he smiled at me in school today, and my face lit up like heaven was shining down on me.

I am going to GVSU, to see my sister! i miss her so much! i can't wait, she is my answer to everthing!

ugh...i still can't breathe right. that kinda pisses me off.

well i am gonna stop complaining...before i get ahead of my self

If there is one thing i learned in my life its to listen to your heart. and y didn't i fucking listen when it told me i loved him?

I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Listen to your heart when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.

And there are voices that want to be heard.
So much to mention but you can't find the words.
The scent of magic,
the beauty that's been when love was wilder than the wind.

The last entry is not about tom. the last entry was about my friend cliff. i really don't wanna talk about it but i wish i could tell him someone out here cares about him.

thats not the only problems we have though, although that is pretty much the biggest one.

i hate that when u like someone, ur friend likes them too
then she blurts out....I wanna go back out with him!
i hate how if she does i am gonna be mad.
i hate how ppl just make other ppl feel like shit.

Anyway, grades are getting better. i have been concentrating on them. although i am depressed still. i feel like shit because of him. how could he make me jelous? its horrible. love is horrible. i agree with the breakfast club, they say when u get older your heart dies.  isn't that the truth?

here we go again, i hate love! its the worst thing that has ever happend in my life. u like a guy for 3 yrs. they never notice u. untill this yr. he noticed me. and i was so excited because HE talked to ME! all i thought was omg his eyes are gorgous. idk things are starting to get to me. y would he want me? he will go for my friend. whoever i like, i can't cause she gets him. idk what to do. it bothers me. i hate that.

on a good note over thanksgiving i am stayin with my sis! it gets me away from muskegon! Better yet it gets me away from Reeths-Puffer! aka DRAMA!

well i have to go, i have a test to study for and crap like that

I wasn't put on this earth to please you!! I was put here for some unobivious reason but it wasn't for u to lecture me about not swearing! sorry to say i will do what i f***in please! nor u or ur mom is gonna change that! i don't care if i am a bad influence! atleast i don't drink, or smoke, or do drugs. y can't everyone be happy?

I had  shitty day! math can just go to hell! i hate it!  how can i do so bad? i need a tutor or else i am not taking math next year. I really wish my sister was home! u have no idea! i miss her so much, shes the only one who understands what i am going through! she has *asshole* aka boy problems and so do i! why are guys ass holes? i give up i really do. i am still depressed! here i am once again, i'm torn into pieces!

seems like everyone changed plans last minute to go trick or treating with julie and i! i was gonna go with meg and stuff but her lil sis was like NO I HATE JULIE! ok, how do u know her? U ALWAYS HAVE AN ANNOYING FRIEND! whatev.

ugh! i wish u were here. i wish i hated u. i wish i u loved me. i can't wait to crisco ur effin car! i <3 erika and jess to death. i only learn from the best! i wish love was easy, i wish making new friends was eaiser, i wish jessica wouldn't sit alone at her lunch table, and when i say something about it, it makes me look stupid, i don't care...i am gonna invite her to sit with us and if everybody leaves they will all see what ass holes the ppl are! i wish no one felt alone. i wish we  all were accepted for who we are! i wish on halloween ppl didn't over there face because they hide themselves. there is no need. i was told to put my mask on today. i wish no one would ever have to expierence! i wish tears would never come out of eyes when they feel alone. i wish so many things, i wish they all come true!